Potentially Capable...

What week it's been. I am now back in Wyandotte after the whole thing with Tim. Two and a half years is a long time to get comfortable in a situation and then to have it collapse in a matter of a few days. Needless to say it has been jarring. I wasn't ready to move, not by a long shot. I feel cut off, not only from the place I called home, but from the people there; Tim certainly, but also Erika, and Nancy, and little Deante.

I liked the domestic role I had, cooking dinner and doing the laundry. Don't get me wrong, I am not a home body and still love going out and having fun as often as possible, but there was certain satisfaction in the little chores and such. There was a kind of peace knowing that I was doing something productive in our home. And as I was moving my boxes down those stairs, tears welling in my eyes, I though about all the times Tim insatiably ate the dinner I had prepared, and all the times he turned his nose up at it when I made something "exotic". They were good times.

Having to quit my job because of the move has been one of the most trying aspects of these event. Tim apologized deeply for this, but the outcome was unemployment nonetheless. 45 miles is a bit too much of a commute for a job that paid little more than minimum wage. Sure, stocking produce at Meijer was a bad job and beneath my level of education, but it paid the bills and was enough to hold me over until graphic design work comes about. I hate job hunting, but as a necessary evil I will carry it out with my chin held high and the hopes that the elusive design job is right around the corner.

I never liked The Game of Life; with its little cars, twisty path and little pink and blue people, it always struck me as too contrived to be fun. Whenever I landed on the square that said i had a kid, I always thought: I should have used protection. But life has a wonderful randomness to it that is not totally unlike the wheel of fortune that comes with the game. Our experiences are based on our expectations on outcomes of mostly random occurrences. Sure, we can nudge things one way or another, but in the end we still end up landing on the space marked "Loose your House". In the Game of Real Life, there is no winning, just finishing. What happens along the way is fun part. And the sad part. And the infuriating part. And the hilarious part. It is everything.

So, while I sit here in Wyandotte in my old bedroom, looking at my old posters, my computer on my old desk, I can't help but wonder if I have landed on a good square or a bad square. Is the wheel spinning in my favor? I don't know, but I am not ready to finish the game just yet; I have more squares to land on.